and I'll flee,

because reality's much too hard for me to bear;

you can never say never, while we don't know when;

don't let me go

Can't live with them, can't live without them;

I don't know when it started, but I realize that for a good amount of years of my life, I've been trying and failing to understand the mystery of the female homo sapiens.

What are females to us men? Rather than merely objectifying them as trophy wives or sex objects, I think they are the salt to our pepper, the Yin to our Yang, the ... well you get it. They are the cool breeze that blows to calm the raging tempest in our souls, the ones that we can really lie down, gaze up at the stars and talk for hours with about nothing at all. Us guys, we like to initiate HTHTs (for the uninitiated, that means heart-to-heart-talks see also MTMT: man-to-man-talk) but really, we normally tend to open up and bare our souls more often to females (or maybe that's just me.)

Females have a way of tugging at emotional cords entrenched deep within us. It's the truth. The two times that I've cried so far in the army, were both because of females. The first was because I was so extremely touched by my mum's efforts in taking care of me and the fact that I realized that I was taking her for granted, that I bawled like a child on a taxi to White Sands during BMT. The second, was because the overwhelming sense of sadness due to the realization that one of my close friends had really left and the raw, almost bestial desperation at knowing that other ones I hold dear to my heart would soon follow hit me like a sledgehammer to the head and I just started tearing in my bunk in Pasir Laba.

It's much easier to do something for a female friend than for a close buddy. With us guys, most things are common understandings, and we don't go out of our way to do something special most of the time, because firstly that's gay and secondly being from RI, we've got so many bro-mances to keep up with that to do such things for all of them would not only burn a hole in our wallets and leave dark circles around our eyes, it would also incinerate the ashes from the hole burnt out of the wallets and cause the dark circles to become black holes that sucked our eyeballs in. But with females, it pleases us to see the smile lighting up their porcelain features and their eyes sparkling with happiness when they know that you've done something meaningful for them.

But females drive us completely, utterly, irrevocably out of our minds. They drive us crazy. They drive us up the wall. They are creatures that have honed their skills to a fine edge, with exceedingly well-crafted expertise. They know what strings of ours to pull, and are adept at giving us certain bits of information while withholding the essential stuff. We are almost always at a loss as to how to approach them. We can't fathom for nuts what they are thinking, and often misinterpret their words and actions to be signs or hints or anything along those lines, and we act and think accordingly but most of the time turn out to be 99.9% wrong. Girls are like ninjas and we are the samurai. They are masters of stealth, disguise, sleuth, and sometimes deceit and deception, while we are strong, brash, loud, barrel-chested, concentrating on brute force, while sometimes boorish and inconsiderate.

I remember reading a Marvel book one day and Wolverine, with a cigar in his mouth, took a puff and blew out the smoke while looking at some other costumed chick striding away angrily (I guess good ol' wolvie had done her some injustice), and he shook his head and said 'Women, eh? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.' Wise words. But not everyone's like Hugh Jackman (the only guy I would turn gay for other than Brandon Flowers)'s titular character, with the savoir-faire to score with any woman they wanted, and only strip down their tough exterior to share true love with the one that they chose (who of course was attracted to him first due to aforementioned savoir-faire in the first place).

Females, rather than being pirated playstation games, are the real deal that you find in arcades: with them, there is no such thing as unlimited lives. You get one, maybe a few chances (did I mention that these arcades are out of tokens for you to exchange?) and that's it; you're done. They don't really care, you know. Because ultimately, females are simply humans like us as well. They want what's best for themselves. They live their lives with the basic human instinct of survival. And so, if you don't fit into the plan that they, with their incorrigibly meticulous and cautionary attitude, have carved out for their lives, well then that's just too bad.

It is the worst imaginable fortune to become beguiled with a terrible beauty.

Pray that it never happens to you.

these packs of lies; why the fuck do I always listen to them.
thank you I now know that you (not singular) don't really give two (or maybe even one) hoots about me.
and I know that, despite all the effort on my part, slowly I shall fade from your life due to the absolute negligence that you have for me.
but yet I lie awake and drive myself crazy thinking of you.
I hope that you won't miss the water when the well runs dry, but most probably the promised land of milk and honey shall provide new running water for you.
if you abhor my presence, please tell me directly, and don't agree for the sake of agreeing, or because of any feelings of indebtedness that might perchance exist.
I only wanted to be a shining beacon in your life.
I now know that you've always been tying layers and layers of blindfolds across those piercingly beautiful eyes, trying to shut the light out.

): :)

bye ame, be safe in australia, I will miss you ): take the utmost care.


While watching the movie, the pain that I watched emma portray on the screen was just so tangible to me that she almost seemed to be there, crying her heart out right in front of me.It's agony; having to be aware of, and witness the person that you love having only eyes for another. I should know, it's happened to me twice.

Nevermind, now to go listen to some Taylor Swift to soothe my soul.

I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings,
but you came along, and you changed everything;

You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around;
you make me crazier, crazier.
Feels like I'm fallin', and I, I'm lost in your eyes;
you make me crazier, crazier -

:'(

AHHHHHH. HEARTBREAKING. DON'T WORRY DARLING I WILL COME AND SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND I PROMISE.

hahaha ok but really this is something to look forwad to this weekend after nasty navigation exercise and f-ed up field camp. ): But I actually don't want this weekend to come too, because although there's class BBQ and HP6, ame's flying off for australia on saturday ): ): ):

Looks like reality is setting in and I have to start finding ways to soften the blow 'cos the others are going to happen in quick succession as well.

DAMN YOUUUUU NATIONAL SERVICE FOR TAKING AWAY WHAT LITTLE REMAINING TIME I HAVE LEFT WITH THEM.

If I were a violinist my bow would be a foil;

They want me. I want you. And you want someone else. But none of us want to turn around. -pleasefindthis.blogspot

And it just follows this vicious cycle from day to day, month to month, year to year throughout our lives, because we can't see past ourselves to bother about others.

The grass is always greener on the other side, but when we can't graze on that greener grass, we try our darndest to make the yellowed, dry grass on our side appear better in order to delude ourselves. That's how we make do, when we try to accept things that we cannot change.

"courage to accept the things I cannot change, strength to change those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" I'm powerless to prevent the array of different-coloured lightbulbs in my life from winking out one by one by one in quick succession, and hence must learn to accept this. But it really takes a whole lot of courage, to suddenly feel like you're left in the dark after being surrounded by these bright lights for two odd years.

"and if the bright lights don't receive you, you should turn yourself around and come on home" I spend five days a week randomly zoning off into my own world, thinking of such things and putting them into perspective. A lot of leeway for self and general reflection, and it really helps in setting a direction for my life and immediate plans as well. It's times like these that one can receive an epiphany or two or maybe realize something, something that was indiscernible before but as we mature with age, we're able to spot certain telltale signs that we missed out before about how others feel about us.

Sometimes life is ironic in the way that it makes us beat ourselves up putting in the effort in following a pursuit but the pursuit in question has no qualms beating us up as well.

so the first week of BSLC (basicsectionleadercourse) has passed (i.e. first step to become sergeant lah) has passed, and it's been pretty good so far. Seeing as there will be frequent searches on ze Internet about such army stuff, I better stop talking about it now :0

It's good to make good buddies in camp though. I think I would probably go insane if not for the fact that I talk to my buddies all the time about serious stuff and lighthearted stuff; and make a thousand and one stupid jokes and creating insanely moronic scenarios and the like. We've come to the conclusion that we are big pussies; we want the best, most relack scenario and yet want to lead and draw high pay at the same time. And compared to our fathers' time, what we're going through now is really nothing. But yet we complain all the time and go like 'Aw man, damn, do I really have to do that???' Really damn different generation sia, I don't know what's happened to singaporean men as the years go by. I think 10 years from now, the boys in BMT will be complaining about a lack of a cotton candy and slurpee machine in the cookhouse.

Then again, thinking about it, the training phase of NS is probably going to fly by pretty quickly if BMT and BSLC is anything to go by. Although there are many many times in camp where we just feel damn super sian and just sit there thinking, 'Why the hell are we here?', time actually passes by quite quickly because you just look forward to each weekend and each weekend just passes by in a blink of an eye and the cycle just repeats itself. But after settling down in our vocation, every day's probably going to be nearly the same monotonous thing. It all depends on your luck though. Oh well.. A little less than two years and YESSSS it'll be time to study again.

And oh yes, HAHA 2 THE OCTS STILL IN CAMP. :D