I've got about half an hour left before I set out of the house for the airport, for the second overseas training trip to Taiwan. No, no, I'm not feeling emo, Taiwan's not as bad as Brunei. But this one trip will have so many implications, some which I'm not very sure I like at all.
For example, this trip will determine whether any more of us will have to be reviewed by a performance board, and then get unceremoniously kicked out of the course and not have the glorious end to the 9 (or 6) months. I don't really like that, it's almost similar to asking a man to complete a job for you and when he's finished, you say 'Well looks like you're not really all that suitable to have done it for me, so no pay for you I'm sry'. I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles though (CLICHE CLICHE), so hopefully all of us will be able to help each other to get through it.
And also, I will be completely, absolutely, totally, missing the week that rachel's going to be back in Singapore, after which she will only be coming back in the summer period of may/june/july, and I can tell you for sure I just hate this fact. But there's nothing I can do about it. Because that's just how it is. And so I shall just relieve my pain by blasting baddies into oblivion on my PSP in Taiwan during R&R.
And by buying cheap Onitsuka Tigers which designs cannot be found in Singapore for people. Yes. I shall have many boxes to lug back home come the 26th.
Remember to pay me back, people.
Au revoir.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
So I'd say there's no time more apt than now, when i've got a few hours left to ending my shift and getting the hell out of here, to compose a little ditty (okay it's not really going to be a song, i was trying to be cute.) about the year that's just passed us by, and the more significant or rather life impacting things that've happened
To begin from really the start, that is to say about end december 2008/early jan - february or so, I'll never forget that immensely melancholic period where i really felt as if my heart was rent into a thousand shreds, thanks to a simple statement of an unwitting friend during the twilight hours. For a week or maybe two, there was no sleeping before 4 am because a bleeding heart's in no way a prerequisite for a good night's sleep; rather, it allows for much sitting numbly in front of one's desktop with iTunes belting out one Dashboard Confessional song after another, and lying with eyes wide open on a soft comfortable bed contemplating the mysteries of the universe, entitled 'Why The F*** Does My Life Suck?' Needless to say, I got over it. Yeah, surprising to some, because up till a month or two ago I still have people asking me 'Hey, so are you completely over her already?' I mean, come on. Once in a while, you get to see two people who're really meant for each other, and even if your heart's begging to differ in almost a desperate, pleading manner, your rationale mind can't help but to agree, that happiness where and when it can be found should never be denied. Besides, the army always aids in the deterioration of one's memory.
Come march, the day: that all of us never wanted to arrive but could hardly wait for, came upon us like snow on a winter's day - love/hate with loving the beauty, hating the cold. It was with much trepidation that we gathered first in the canteen in school in our civilian skivvies, all looking right proper as adults (at least most of us) other than the telltale signs of enlistment on the crowns of some of the boys. Inside the hall, our nerves were certainly not helped along by the announcement that 75 percent of the cohort had scored at least an AAA; no one wanted to fill up other 25. There was tangible electricity in the air that day, and we just wanted to pull through it ending up with smiles on our faces. For me, my parents told me how amused they were at my anxious face while queuing up to receive those slips of paper (it sucks to have a surname beginning with Y sometimes!!) [in true Singaporean fashion, we had to queue even for this. I wouldn't be surprised if some dude from outside happens to see the queue and just joins in.] and that when they saw me break out in a relieved smile afterwards, they knew that i couldn't have screwed up too badly. Thanks alot anyway, Maths. In the aftermath (hey, i'm punny.) that followed, there was much elation, but also feelings of a loss at what to say to those disappointed friends. Nothing could really provide any comfort, and in actuality any attempt at crafting soothing phrases would likely be hypocritical. The best course of action was thus to remain silent but remain there for them, and try to pursue other areas of discussion, albeit in a haphazard manner that reeked almost too much of a distractionary maneuver.
There was just enough time for a relaxing trip to Korea (relaxing is spelled H-O-T S-P-R-I-N-G-S) before that fateful day in the month before May (The new Quixotic: now with 100% more rhyme!) where I very, very, very, very, unwillingly packed up my bags and set off to serve the nation, very, very, very, very, unwillingly. I wasn't unused to the regimentation, drills, and everything - two wasted years in the NCC had at least prepared me for those. What i detested was the wresting away of my freedom and how i could see so god damned little of my family and friends. Eventually, I came to accept it, and came to treasure every little thing more than I'd ever done before. And it was certainly a bumper sticker plus point when Tiff magically materialized after my POP :)
As the months slowly drifted past, I found I had yet another young adult crisis to face. Slowly but steadily, some of the people I loved most in the world were flying off to embark on their university adventure in faraway lands. That was really no deal; it was tantamount to telling me that my heart (only having just experienced a full recovery from aforementioned asswhooping, that is to say, if my heart had an ass. Actually the two curved parts of the heart shape.. Never mind.) was going to be ripped out again, pissed upon, and then blended into a fine puree like a Starbucks frappe, and there was nothing I could do about it so if I would please save myself some agony and hand it over voluntarily thankyouverymuch. I reeled at first the thought, then the reality, of ame mel rachel and zix flying off one by one. It even got to the point where I just started tearing one morning in camp during sispec. Fortunately, the blessing bequeathed to us from the tech gods, known commonly as Skype, dulled the pain quite substantially as we chatted away as much as our schedules allowed, and the lovely idiots did not exhibit any signs of change at all so that was wonderful (other than about a 500% increase in swearing proficiency.) and now that in the past month i've seen three of them, i'm quite the happy boy. <3.
I'd list down the crossing over to OCS as well, but I think i've done that to death over here. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's worth it. Yeah, JCC's over and Taiwan's next week. We get it. Enough already. And so, as I ushered in the new year of 2010 with fireworks and Yello Jello grooviness with a bunch of ripe friends from 7 years ago, and then celebrated the first day of the year with bloody beetroots madness (whoop whoop), it's certainly got off to a real high start. Though I STILL have not watched Avatar yet, as the appointment to do so with Other Bunch Of Ripe Friends (100% NSF, Girls Generation and L4D loving) was shot down thanks to duty. And as I eagerly look forward to commissioning, ORD, and the ORD trip with said ripe friends that WILL come to pass and WILL be extremely psychedelically awesome and legen ... Wait for it ... DARY. (get planning, jev.) I thank God that despite trials and tribulations, He brings respite, relief, real love, and real happiness as well.
Happy 2010 guys, and I hope the only sucky thing about this year is that from now on there are no more awesome new year glasses with the 00 in the middle for the eyes to look through. Damn.
To begin from really the start, that is to say about end december 2008/early jan - february or so, I'll never forget that immensely melancholic period where i really felt as if my heart was rent into a thousand shreds, thanks to a simple statement of an unwitting friend during the twilight hours. For a week or maybe two, there was no sleeping before 4 am because a bleeding heart's in no way a prerequisite for a good night's sleep; rather, it allows for much sitting numbly in front of one's desktop with iTunes belting out one Dashboard Confessional song after another, and lying with eyes wide open on a soft comfortable bed contemplating the mysteries of the universe, entitled 'Why The F*** Does My Life Suck?' Needless to say, I got over it. Yeah, surprising to some, because up till a month or two ago I still have people asking me 'Hey, so are you completely over her already?' I mean, come on. Once in a while, you get to see two people who're really meant for each other, and even if your heart's begging to differ in almost a desperate, pleading manner, your rationale mind can't help but to agree, that happiness where and when it can be found should never be denied. Besides, the army always aids in the deterioration of one's memory.
Come march, the day: that all of us never wanted to arrive but could hardly wait for, came upon us like snow on a winter's day - love/hate with loving the beauty, hating the cold. It was with much trepidation that we gathered first in the canteen in school in our civilian skivvies, all looking right proper as adults (at least most of us) other than the telltale signs of enlistment on the crowns of some of the boys. Inside the hall, our nerves were certainly not helped along by the announcement that 75 percent of the cohort had scored at least an AAA; no one wanted to fill up other 25. There was tangible electricity in the air that day, and we just wanted to pull through it ending up with smiles on our faces. For me, my parents told me how amused they were at my anxious face while queuing up to receive those slips of paper (it sucks to have a surname beginning with Y sometimes!!) [in true Singaporean fashion, we had to queue even for this. I wouldn't be surprised if some dude from outside happens to see the queue and just joins in.] and that when they saw me break out in a relieved smile afterwards, they knew that i couldn't have screwed up too badly. Thanks alot anyway, Maths. In the aftermath (hey, i'm punny.) that followed, there was much elation, but also feelings of a loss at what to say to those disappointed friends. Nothing could really provide any comfort, and in actuality any attempt at crafting soothing phrases would likely be hypocritical. The best course of action was thus to remain silent but remain there for them, and try to pursue other areas of discussion, albeit in a haphazard manner that reeked almost too much of a distractionary maneuver.
There was just enough time for a relaxing trip to Korea (relaxing is spelled H-O-T S-P-R-I-N-G-S) before that fateful day in the month before May (The new Quixotic: now with 100% more rhyme!) where I very, very, very, very, unwillingly packed up my bags and set off to serve the nation, very, very, very, very, unwillingly. I wasn't unused to the regimentation, drills, and everything - two wasted years in the NCC had at least prepared me for those. What i detested was the wresting away of my freedom and how i could see so god damned little of my family and friends. Eventually, I came to accept it, and came to treasure every little thing more than I'd ever done before. And it was certainly a bumper sticker plus point when Tiff magically materialized after my POP :)
As the months slowly drifted past, I found I had yet another young adult crisis to face. Slowly but steadily, some of the people I loved most in the world were flying off to embark on their university adventure in faraway lands. That was really no deal; it was tantamount to telling me that my heart (only having just experienced a full recovery from aforementioned asswhooping, that is to say, if my heart had an ass. Actually the two curved parts of the heart shape.. Never mind.) was going to be ripped out again, pissed upon, and then blended into a fine puree like a Starbucks frappe, and there was nothing I could do about it so if I would please save myself some agony and hand it over voluntarily thankyouverymuch. I reeled at first the thought, then the reality, of ame mel rachel and zix flying off one by one. It even got to the point where I just started tearing one morning in camp during sispec. Fortunately, the blessing bequeathed to us from the tech gods, known commonly as Skype, dulled the pain quite substantially as we chatted away as much as our schedules allowed, and the lovely idiots did not exhibit any signs of change at all so that was wonderful (other than about a 500% increase in swearing proficiency.) and now that in the past month i've seen three of them, i'm quite the happy boy. <3.
I'd list down the crossing over to OCS as well, but I think i've done that to death over here. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's worth it. Yeah, JCC's over and Taiwan's next week. We get it. Enough already. And so, as I ushered in the new year of 2010 with fireworks and Yello Jello grooviness with a bunch of ripe friends from 7 years ago, and then celebrated the first day of the year with bloody beetroots madness (whoop whoop), it's certainly got off to a real high start. Though I STILL have not watched Avatar yet, as the appointment to do so with Other Bunch Of Ripe Friends (100% NSF, Girls Generation and L4D loving) was shot down thanks to duty. And as I eagerly look forward to commissioning, ORD, and the ORD trip with said ripe friends that WILL come to pass and WILL be extremely psychedelically awesome and legen ... Wait for it ... DARY. (get planning, jev.) I thank God that despite trials and tribulations, He brings respite, relief, real love, and real happiness as well.
Happy 2010 guys, and I hope the only sucky thing about this year is that from now on there are no more awesome new year glasses with the 00 in the middle for the eyes to look through. Damn.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Post-Christmas! (:
Despite missing Avatar on Christmas Eve, (because of the limited cinemas with good seats which forced jev to book a 210 show, and thanks to the last minute Leadership Development lesson with Major Psalm (what an interesting name, seriously) resulting in a 3pm bookout) it still turned out to be an awesome day because of the angel@theairport (: (: (: despite meeting for only about 45 minutes! After which a traditional church service at ken's church (which proved to be reaaallllyyy similar to a christmas at city harvest) whetted our appetites for supper at Bedok 85. 2nd time eating the best bachormee in the world, woot. At kennedy's, we waited for elton to turn up and he did, wearing a Silver Surfer tee to match my Iron Man one. Both happened to be his favourite childhood comicbook heroes, and he was very interested in doing chest bumps with me so that both characters could bump each other. We valiantly tried to stay awake when elton brought the animated Iron Man movie for us to watch, but even the chocolates that he brought could not save the Z Monster from overpowering me. My genius idea to turn on the aircon upon entering the house turned around and bit me in the ass at night, 'cos I nearly froze, and ended up squeezing into ken's sofa covers to use them as a blankie.
And seeing (most) of the same faces this blessed Christmas day when ken actually wanted to buy Christmas gifts but I ended up being the one buying gifts, and then winding up all the way at a pasar malam at Yishun and Starbucks Northpoint talking the time away, makes me feel that a friendship like the one you see in HIMYM can just be that real. It's the magic of Christmas to make one draw comparisons like that, and also perhaps a Peppermint Mocha Frappe in one's tummy as well (:
A problem I've found with us human beings, (maybe it's just me) is how we tend to overthink things, or misinterpret certain 'signs' that are actually not signs at all. I think my life would be much better if sometimes I just was not so god damned sensitive. Perhaps then I would not feel that prone to being thrown into the gutter despite what I think I share with you. And you and you and you and you and you. But despite all this, I still think nothing but the world of you; there's something wrong with my thought-processing organ and the muscle that runs my cardiovascular activities.
Sometimes perfection, can be perfect hell.
I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
Sunday, December 20, 2009
YESTERDAY was THE DAY! That my bunch of other brothers, from the Jan batch, finally commissioned after their 9 months of hard training to turn from dogs to gods and being maggots no longer. It was worth going the through the mind-numbing, leg-numbing rehearsals as an usher on Thursday and Friday and then one more time during the actual parade, just to be there to share that moment with them as they flung their peak caps into the air in unison with joy. Although it was not my day (3 months more to go!!!), I felt just as happy as them when I heard the roar and watched as the caps flew into the air all at one go.
And what could be more fitting as icing on the cake than Kennedy getting the sword of honour? Despite being so proud of him since two weeks ago when I heard the news, it was a different feeling altogether to hear his name being read out by the emcee and to watch him thrusting the sword to his chest after receiving it from DPM Teo. Awesome stuff for real, and also to be standing at the back watching our friends, his supporters, scream his name when he was marching past, during the presentation of swords, and during the slow march up - it was worth crossing over purely for this.
But like I was telling Ngiam, it's really funny to look at one of their ranks, the black bar, and then look up and see their familiar face smiling at you. And you know you're required to call them 'Sir' but they won't really accept that from a friend, and all the saluting and everything is just for fun. It's just different from being introduced to another 2LT as your PC or your instructor because you've known these guys for so many years. Just like how when Chinks, Ian and Joseph were in our bunk today, Ngiam and I kept asking them to punish our platoon randomly and Ngiam asked one of our platoon mates who didn't salute them to do so, and Chinks was so embarrassed he tried to close and lock our door. Hilarious.
Feels really great to end (sort of) the year on this high note, and especially since it helps to keep us in contact with each other; also not forgetting that those guys who've always been busy over the weekends can have more time for gatherings now. I smell a 4A reunion in the works. But that will have to wait till I get back from Taiwan, and I think Yelin gets back from wherever he went to after Myanmar.
I think after all this time, and everything that has happened, I've learnt the absolute importance of letting go. Sometimes you just hurt yourself even worse when you clutch onto a moment that's fleeting; sometimes you just need to amputate and then cauterize the wound rather than continue letting that torn limb hang limply by your side.
That still does not mean that it's any easier, though.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
It's certainly been a most interesting weekend! I think one of the more interesting things that happened to me was when I just happened to think to myself, "Man, it's been really long since I last saw Fiona Xie on a magazine cover. I wonder if she's really gone for good from local showbiz." Not more than half an hour later, I went to the nearest newsstand and whom should I see on the cover of both I-Weekly and 8 Days? Yeah you guessed right. Obviously I started reading 8 days straightaway to find out more about what's happening to her. Yes I am unashamedly a fan of hers. I am a guy. Sue me, bitches. (:
Weekends are a precious commodity when you're in the army. Even when you pass out as a commander, or so I've heard from some of my friends, even those posted to BMTC where they're supposed kings, but not any longer because of the changes in the structure of how things are run. Doesn't sound very good, but probably still better than being elsewhere though. Therefore, true to my rules of engagement for the weekends, I spent valuable family time watching The Storm Warriors (i.e. Feng1 Yun2 Er4!!!) with my parents. I still remember how 11 (ELEVEN!!11!11one11!!!1) years ago I, as an 8 year old boy, watched with wide-eyed wonder as Aaron Kwok as Yun2's blood trickled down his arm into the ground which caused his ebon blade to fly out from the Grave of Swords into his grasp, and together, the combined might of Wind and Cloud left no chance for the Lord Conqueror to counterattack. And hence it was with great enthusiasm that I stepped into the cinema - but it was with a heavy heart that I stepped out. Yeah I loved the swordplay and the familiar characters and all but ARGH no closure. That's all I shall say to avoid spoilers.
Talking about rules of engagement, I caught Zombieland this weekend as well. It was a real good time as there was much humour in the show despite it being a zombie gore flick. Having the words Rule No. 1 - Cardio flash in large bold white letters going ding ding ding in the middle of a carpark as the protagonist led two rabid zombies round and round in circles was priceless. Looks like all my running could be put to good use someday, touch wood =D The day was zombiefied as I proceeded to try out L4D2 (Left4Dead2 for the uninitiated) for the first time, and I've come to the conclusion that melee weapons are the sex for taking out the common Horde zombies, whereas you really do still need the good ol' lead pumpin' to take out the special Infected. The whole zombie thing made me wonder if we're not too much desensitized to this whole gore thing, and also made me wonder about the whole fascination with zombies thing. 28 Days Later, Shaun Of The Dead, I Am Legend, Quarantine, Zombieland, these are just like a small drop in the huge pool of zombie flicks that are currently out there. And it's not like each film shares a small piece of the pie - they're all HUGELY successful! Watching a zombie rip out a hapless human victim's throat still disgusts me, but I no longer cringe in utter trepidation when I watch it - I really think I've become numbed because of the sheer amount of zombie themed media we have today. I think when I've got free time I'll see whether anyone's written any article or done any research into why we like this genre so much haha.
Alright it's time to SUIT UP! (penguin suit ]=) once again and take a friendly cab down to Jurong. Dammit looking at hiok's fb status 'penguin one last time' makes me feel so super jealous but YES, my friends have earned their status as officers. It'll be my turn soon in a few months, God willing. And yes Kennedy is THAT good to be the holder of the Sword of Honour from the Singapore Combat Engineers. Haha sounds like he found some epic weapon from WoW.
Weekends are a precious commodity when you're in the army. Even when you pass out as a commander, or so I've heard from some of my friends, even those posted to BMTC where they're supposed kings, but not any longer because of the changes in the structure of how things are run. Doesn't sound very good, but probably still better than being elsewhere though. Therefore, true to my rules of engagement for the weekends, I spent valuable family time watching The Storm Warriors (i.e. Feng1 Yun2 Er4!!!) with my parents. I still remember how 11 (ELEVEN!!11!11one11!!!1) years ago I, as an 8 year old boy, watched with wide-eyed wonder as Aaron Kwok as Yun2's blood trickled down his arm into the ground which caused his ebon blade to fly out from the Grave of Swords into his grasp, and together, the combined might of Wind and Cloud left no chance for the Lord Conqueror to counterattack. And hence it was with great enthusiasm that I stepped into the cinema - but it was with a heavy heart that I stepped out. Yeah I loved the swordplay and the familiar characters and all but ARGH no closure. That's all I shall say to avoid spoilers.
Talking about rules of engagement, I caught Zombieland this weekend as well. It was a real good time as there was much humour in the show despite it being a zombie gore flick. Having the words Rule No. 1 - Cardio flash in large bold white letters going ding ding ding in the middle of a carpark as the protagonist led two rabid zombies round and round in circles was priceless. Looks like all my running could be put to good use someday, touch wood =D The day was zombiefied as I proceeded to try out L4D2 (Left4Dead2 for the uninitiated) for the first time, and I've come to the conclusion that melee weapons are the sex for taking out the common Horde zombies, whereas you really do still need the good ol' lead pumpin' to take out the special Infected. The whole zombie thing made me wonder if we're not too much desensitized to this whole gore thing, and also made me wonder about the whole fascination with zombies thing. 28 Days Later, Shaun Of The Dead, I Am Legend, Quarantine, Zombieland, these are just like a small drop in the huge pool of zombie flicks that are currently out there. And it's not like each film shares a small piece of the pie - they're all HUGELY successful! Watching a zombie rip out a hapless human victim's throat still disgusts me, but I no longer cringe in utter trepidation when I watch it - I really think I've become numbed because of the sheer amount of zombie themed media we have today. I think when I've got free time I'll see whether anyone's written any article or done any research into why we like this genre so much haha.
Alright it's time to SUIT UP! (penguin suit ]=) once again and take a friendly cab down to Jurong. Dammit looking at hiok's fb status 'penguin one last time' makes me feel so super jealous but YES, my friends have earned their status as officers. It'll be my turn soon in a few months, God willing. And yes Kennedy is THAT good to be the holder of the Sword of Honour from the Singapore Combat Engineers. Haha sounds like he found some epic weapon from WoW.
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