I remember myself saying, "Even if I don't pass the course, this Brunei trip would have been a real eye-opener and a valuable experience for me." I still stand by this statement. Although army sucks and all, and I am ravaged by mosquito bites/sandfly bites and the subsequent scars from my sensitive-skin-scratching, I walked away from the trip a different person, and it really did effect some change in me.

Like my dad said before I went off to do the 9-day jungle course, "Time to grow up and be a man eh son?" Though he was joking of course, the experience really did make me mature more personally. One such experience was killing the quail. Though I'm not the sappy kind to really think much about it, I was inevitably struck with some hesitation before killing it, but I thought to myself hey, I've got no problem eating those countless chicken wings, KFC, burgers, etc. Why should I have double standards and be appalled at personally killing an animal when throughout my life, I've already indirectly killed so many? So without further any ado I twisted its neck and pulled its head off. Was really quite an intense brush with reality. Especially since I killed two throughout the entire trip, lol.

I still remember during my innocent brownnosed days in BMT, I was talking to hiok about him being in OCS and him perhaps needing to go for JCC. I'd heard about the 9 days with only 2 days of rations. I'd heard about the being alone in the jungle. And I'd been extremely skeptical that it could be done. Hiok was like yeah man but its okay, they give you some signal flares so if you're gonna die you just shoot it in the air. And it's ironic that I eventually ended up doing exactly what I thought others were in for. It was also really about breaking past your own physical and mental boundaries. Like elt told me before the trip when I asked him, 'What about those with smaller builds and unable to carry heavy loads? How do they pull through it?' Vicepres-boy then tapped his head and said "That's why it's all about what's in here."

It's really true, because when you've been climbing slopes and hills and two mountains and walking kilometer after kilometer for 8 days, and the synapses in your legs tell you that your legs are useless and cannot be pulled up to negotiate a slope any longer, it is your mind that cancels these transmissions and forces yourself to move. Mental resolve is definitely not something to be trivialised. It really does count for a hell of a lot.

And so does motivation, as usual. It helps alot when you've got mental images of a Carl's Jr. Portobello Mushroom Double Thickburger in your mind. But sometimes the same image can make you damn hungry and demoralized hahahahaha. Also just thinking about your family, your lovely friends and what kind of inane things you're going to do when it's all over, just keeps pushing you on to complete it well and complete it good.

But at the end of the day, you don't fight for your country: you fight for your buddy next to you, you fight for your loved ones whereever they are, you fight for your friends poring over their books in hostels over the country and across the oceans, and you fight for yourself to make a point that you are more than what you think you are. And in the process of self-discovery, you hope that you split open to reveal a beacon of light that displays the intensity of your metamorphosis to others, so that even they think twice about what you are and what you could be.