I thought that the world had lost its way
(it's so hard sometimes)
then I fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away;
as friends, we have to make tough decisions sometimes. It's hard, really, to just keep quiet and let your friends make the mistakes that they do - because you don't want to see them get hurt. This is amplified a thousand times when you see your friends chasing a dream that's just out of their reach, and although it pains you when you listen to them describe their efforts, pour out their doubts and fears, culminating in the sound of their hearts shattering.
but falling in love is a good thing. I've always believed so and although it's not like I'm an accomplished wild-game hunter with many kills represented by notches on my belt, I've always come out for the better. Because being in love, having that someone that you fall in love with - that someone's not only the light of your life, that someone's the lighthouse in your life. They give off a beacon that dictates what choices you make, what changes you go through, how you live your life. And more often than not, you live your life for the better. While not for any noble purpose, but rather the seemingly trivial purpose of bettering yourself such that you put yourself in a better light to that person, the impact of it is not taken away - you will indefinitely see positive changes in yourself.
and that's not exactly restricted to romantic love, actually. Platonic love is perfectly capable of stimulating similar changes within us, although on a somewhat diminished scale, because unless you, I don't know, escaped from a concentration camp and various unmentionable tortures with this friend of yours, it normally doesn't seem as right to make as great sacrifices in the name of the friendship that you share. But it works, it still works. When you feel so close to a person that you're willing to go through hell and high water in order to keep that closeness intact. I believe many of us have felt this before. I feel it all the time. Sometimes I'm pretty idealistic - to the point of foolishness, perhaps? I don't really care.
all I know is, I kind of, sorta, really miss that illuminating glow that lighthouses cast. maybe in this season of my life, there aren't really any sharp rocks for me to dash myself onto, so I don't need the guiding light that they provide? Food for thought. but actually if I look hard enough, I'll always be able to spot the light, even from afar..
P/S: MissYouMs.Mel! Online is not a bad status. X)
do I try too hard to make you smile? to make us smile-
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Having sent zix off on sunday, I'm now devoid of so many of those dear to me. I miss each and every one of them terribly, but I know that really, what I feel is nothing compared to what they are facing. Although it's true that I'm experiencing a tougher time in the army, I still have my family to go home to every weekend and sometimes (like now) for long periods of time. And although they've already made friends and more or less settled down (or at least tried their best to) in their own new environments, it's going to take a lot more time for them to feel totally comfortable and at ease. And that's not forgetting that even with the connection that online communication provides, nothing beats physical presence and accompaniment. I think it would be really hard for me to be apart from my family for such long periods of time. (they're mostly only going to come back in June next year!!)
I'd say we all have to learn to change and to adapt for nearly our entire lifespan. Just as I'm slowly settling into officer cadetship in echo wing, they're acclimatizing themselves to how their schools are run; how their roommates and the people they hang out with function; and the nearly-completely different cultures that these distant places possess. And being nineteen year old girls fresh out of junior college, they have to deal with the standard hormonal, relational, emotional issues that we've all been dealing with for our student life. All the more so that they're in a permanent institution a good four or five years, it's no surprise then that they'd start thinking about finding their future partners more so than those of us here who think that we've got more time to spare. Besides, they're probably coming back here anyway, so the time is ripe indeed. To that, all I can say is that I hope they manage to find someone who makes them happy and loves them unconditionally, more so with each passing day. There is nothing more important than the feeling of sheer happiness that you can get when you're with someone, and it's rare and precious to find somehing like that.
I've been quite the lucky boy all my life, other than in one niggling area that is really quite disheartening but irrelevant at this point in time so I shall not ruin my happy block leave by thinking about it (: and it may be just my inner leonidas speaking, but like how cheo puts it, this is a rite of passage, rich in memories and experiences. It will toughen us mentally, and we will steel ourselves physically. We learn a myriad of skills, quite a few of which we can translate into our lives in the future. And anybody who misses out on the rapid mental development and acceleration of one's maturity (when the time calls for it, of course. I'm still very much full of it most of the time ^^) is, really, deprived of that life-changing experience. That spark that ignites an evolution within them. The homogeneous issue that all (most) of us can relate to and talk about, way into our elder years.
There's only so much difference between a day job and JC life. Although I miss school so much such that the books might as well be comics and the teachers might as well all be megan fox, I'm glad that I'm not spending another two years of my life in an adult version of JC.
I'd say we all have to learn to change and to adapt for nearly our entire lifespan. Just as I'm slowly settling into officer cadetship in echo wing, they're acclimatizing themselves to how their schools are run; how their roommates and the people they hang out with function; and the nearly-completely different cultures that these distant places possess. And being nineteen year old girls fresh out of junior college, they have to deal with the standard hormonal, relational, emotional issues that we've all been dealing with for our student life. All the more so that they're in a permanent institution a good four or five years, it's no surprise then that they'd start thinking about finding their future partners more so than those of us here who think that we've got more time to spare. Besides, they're probably coming back here anyway, so the time is ripe indeed. To that, all I can say is that I hope they manage to find someone who makes them happy and loves them unconditionally, more so with each passing day. There is nothing more important than the feeling of sheer happiness that you can get when you're with someone, and it's rare and precious to find somehing like that.
I've been quite the lucky boy all my life, other than in one niggling area that is really quite disheartening but irrelevant at this point in time so I shall not ruin my happy block leave by thinking about it (: and it may be just my inner leonidas speaking, but like how cheo puts it, this is a rite of passage, rich in memories and experiences. It will toughen us mentally, and we will steel ourselves physically. We learn a myriad of skills, quite a few of which we can translate into our lives in the future. And anybody who misses out on the rapid mental development and acceleration of one's maturity (when the time calls for it, of course. I'm still very much full of it most of the time ^^) is, really, deprived of that life-changing experience. That spark that ignites an evolution within them. The homogeneous issue that all (most) of us can relate to and talk about, way into our elder years.
There's only so much difference between a day job and JC life. Although I miss school so much such that the books might as well be comics and the teachers might as well all be megan fox, I'm glad that I'm not spending another two years of my life in an adult version of JC.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sorry for the lack of updates! It's been nothing but a whirlwind as of late, and sometimes it's really rare to find a moment to collect all of my thoughts to pen them down.
Perhaps, beginning with those events that have significantly impacted life as of late seems most apt. I'd have to say .. it's been really hard dealing with the departure of mel and rachel to that great city where How I Met Your Mother is filmed, New York. You can't really do anything when integral parts of your life are torn away and you have no choice but to let them go, you know? Although daily life might get you caught up in its tempo, but the ache of the loss will always be there, intensely amplified in those lonely moments when you reach for the phone meaning to call that someone, only to realize with a sad smile to yourself that the person's not going to be so easily there for you anymore. If I know myself, I'm pretty sure that even in february of next year, I'd still be reminiscing on how mel ame zix and I hung out in cathay cineleisure that first time after CT1 in J1, because it's just impossible to let go of these memories. Memories that fill my life with colour and meaning, which give me something to smile about. That, I guess, is how I shall cope with their absence - all those times that I shared with them. Studying with rachel in the basement of grand cathay - drinking milk tea, eating shihlin's happy box; she was my pillar of support and supplier of my insider information during one of the most trying periods of my life, a person I could pour our all my sorrows to and someone who'd tell me how stupid I was but still pray for the best for me even as I trudged down a path of folly. Making mel cry in the second or so week that I'd known her, and feeling terribly guilty about it; the everyday suans that earned me the title of bitch; the everyday conversations from the academic to the trivial gossip to the serious stuff; her incessant ungrounded insecurities that drove me perpetually insane - she was my coffee, my glamourizer, someone who I'd listen to without fail because it just made sense. It's impossible to sum up how much they meant, and mean, to me. But I believe in a future which still features them prominently in my life, if only because I choose to make it so.
Other than that, another major shaker in my life would be this action of mine of crossing over to OCS. I'd say ... it's both a dumb and a wise move, but all in all I feel I did the right thing. If everyone stays in, what's the point of staying out? I'd say this statement is particularly true, especially since all the womenfolk are in university anyway. It's not like I'm going to have ample company if I go and get myself a reduced PES status and an eight to fiver. Although life is indeed much tougher and the training much more rigorous, I believe the experience of the next six or so months will be useful for my personal development, and cause me to grow that much more though I have already learnt and matured much since I entered the service.
People say that the 2 years in army are a buffer period for boys to grow to men, that they are sheltered in another 'forced to be here' environment where they are taken care of pretty well and not thrown out into the real world to take some lessons from the school of hard knocks. I.e., girls and NS guys who have stay-out positions have to deal with real-life problems and mature faster. Nonsense. I'd give anything to start school right now, although all the girls are complaining about how tough university is and the insane schedules. Granted, it is a hectic life, but personally for me, it's something that I have a great deal of motivation to strive for, and besides, much of my schedule is determined by myself anyway. I take my own breaks. I organize my own work sessions. And although chionging in the vegetation and rigorous physical training and planning and everything that is the life of a majority of us NS boys now can indeed be classified 'stupid' and 'a waste of time' by myself at times, and those happily holding stayout positions, I'd feel that I'm really missing out on a great treasure trove of experiences if I were stuck in an office all day. Sure, I'm guilty myself of calling it 'living the dream', and 'what all NS boys want', but put me in that position and I'd be complaining just the same. I love to slack. Who doesn't like to slack? But sometimes you just have to pull up your socks and go out there and be a man. Well, whatever you call it, it's a rite of passage, and I'm glad I'm on the way to earning the right to call myself a man by the time I hit the good old 21.
I'm glad, though, that during my stint in NS here, I've got so many things to accompany me and keep me happy and to thank God about. Although it'd be great to have everyone that I hold close to my heart here together with me, I make do with what I have! In fact, I can think immediately of a great deal of things that make me happy. (:
x my family. I love my mom. 'Nuff said. I spend a much greater amount of time talking to my dad nowadays and it's been rather good. I have a brother who, contrary to what he previously believed and in stark contrast to his life before, is enjoying university life tremendously and being much less of a problem for my parents, and also someone to pal around with.
x my friends. just last saturday night, I had an awesome time (as usual) with kennedy and company, my bunch of overachiever 2H friends who are nearly all commissioning in december soon, leaving poor guonian and me to usher for them, other than stupid junliang who is on a grand total of 5 months MC. also, did I mention that ngiam is in my platoon, living and owning, in the bunk opposite mine? and oh, btw just for your info, i love it when you call, i love it when you call, i love it when you call, butchu never call at all (ok the last line is just not true hahah) teefy (: and calling you too. a busybee lalan, who is getting hammered close to death with her uni schedule, and is sick now (great). hm, there's a problem, I haven't met huige nicky and all for too long, we kind of need to celebrate benny's birthday. and taufiq's a jerk who's preoccupied with his girlfriend :P
x food.
1x mega mcspicy meal
1x turkish kebab
1x takopachi
1x honey chicken chop
2x pints haegen-dazs
2x pints andersen's of denmark
1x starbucks dark mocha venti frappucino
2x packets pepperidge farm soft baked dark chocolate brownie cookies
in one weekend. legen- wait for it... DARY.
x entertainment
I saved nicole for this segment, because firstly nicole the retard alone is great entertainment, secondly I koped her hard drive with 4 seasons of how i met your mother, 5 seasons of house, gossip girl, 20 seasons of the simpsons, about 30 movies including all the harry potter movies, star wars movies, LOTR movies, omg I have going to have an AWESOME block leave.
Also, having spent at least 500 bucks on all my warcraft novels, comics, and the entire fables comics series, I am eagerly anticipating the next volume of each. I love comics. Sue me.
I am not going to continue, if not I am going to get stoned by people jealous of how great my life is. At times. X)
Perhaps, beginning with those events that have significantly impacted life as of late seems most apt. I'd have to say .. it's been really hard dealing with the departure of mel and rachel to that great city where How I Met Your Mother is filmed, New York. You can't really do anything when integral parts of your life are torn away and you have no choice but to let them go, you know? Although daily life might get you caught up in its tempo, but the ache of the loss will always be there, intensely amplified in those lonely moments when you reach for the phone meaning to call that someone, only to realize with a sad smile to yourself that the person's not going to be so easily there for you anymore. If I know myself, I'm pretty sure that even in february of next year, I'd still be reminiscing on how mel ame zix and I hung out in cathay cineleisure that first time after CT1 in J1, because it's just impossible to let go of these memories. Memories that fill my life with colour and meaning, which give me something to smile about. That, I guess, is how I shall cope with their absence - all those times that I shared with them. Studying with rachel in the basement of grand cathay - drinking milk tea, eating shihlin's happy box; she was my pillar of support and supplier of my insider information during one of the most trying periods of my life, a person I could pour our all my sorrows to and someone who'd tell me how stupid I was but still pray for the best for me even as I trudged down a path of folly. Making mel cry in the second or so week that I'd known her, and feeling terribly guilty about it; the everyday suans that earned me the title of bitch; the everyday conversations from the academic to the trivial gossip to the serious stuff; her incessant ungrounded insecurities that drove me perpetually insane - she was my coffee, my glamourizer, someone who I'd listen to without fail because it just made sense. It's impossible to sum up how much they meant, and mean, to me. But I believe in a future which still features them prominently in my life, if only because I choose to make it so.
Other than that, another major shaker in my life would be this action of mine of crossing over to OCS. I'd say ... it's both a dumb and a wise move, but all in all I feel I did the right thing. If everyone stays in, what's the point of staying out? I'd say this statement is particularly true, especially since all the womenfolk are in university anyway. It's not like I'm going to have ample company if I go and get myself a reduced PES status and an eight to fiver. Although life is indeed much tougher and the training much more rigorous, I believe the experience of the next six or so months will be useful for my personal development, and cause me to grow that much more though I have already learnt and matured much since I entered the service.
People say that the 2 years in army are a buffer period for boys to grow to men, that they are sheltered in another 'forced to be here' environment where they are taken care of pretty well and not thrown out into the real world to take some lessons from the school of hard knocks. I.e., girls and NS guys who have stay-out positions have to deal with real-life problems and mature faster. Nonsense. I'd give anything to start school right now, although all the girls are complaining about how tough university is and the insane schedules. Granted, it is a hectic life, but personally for me, it's something that I have a great deal of motivation to strive for, and besides, much of my schedule is determined by myself anyway. I take my own breaks. I organize my own work sessions. And although chionging in the vegetation and rigorous physical training and planning and everything that is the life of a majority of us NS boys now can indeed be classified 'stupid' and 'a waste of time' by myself at times, and those happily holding stayout positions, I'd feel that I'm really missing out on a great treasure trove of experiences if I were stuck in an office all day. Sure, I'm guilty myself of calling it 'living the dream', and 'what all NS boys want', but put me in that position and I'd be complaining just the same. I love to slack. Who doesn't like to slack? But sometimes you just have to pull up your socks and go out there and be a man. Well, whatever you call it, it's a rite of passage, and I'm glad I'm on the way to earning the right to call myself a man by the time I hit the good old 21.
I'm glad, though, that during my stint in NS here, I've got so many things to accompany me and keep me happy and to thank God about. Although it'd be great to have everyone that I hold close to my heart here together with me, I make do with what I have! In fact, I can think immediately of a great deal of things that make me happy. (:
x my family. I love my mom. 'Nuff said. I spend a much greater amount of time talking to my dad nowadays and it's been rather good. I have a brother who, contrary to what he previously believed and in stark contrast to his life before, is enjoying university life tremendously and being much less of a problem for my parents, and also someone to pal around with.
x my friends. just last saturday night, I had an awesome time (as usual) with kennedy and company, my bunch of overachiever 2H friends who are nearly all commissioning in december soon, leaving poor guonian and me to usher for them, other than stupid junliang who is on a grand total of 5 months MC. also, did I mention that ngiam is in my platoon, living and owning, in the bunk opposite mine? and oh, btw just for your info, i love it when you call, i love it when you call, i love it when you call, butchu never call at all (ok the last line is just not true hahah) teefy (: and calling you too. a busybee lalan, who is getting hammered close to death with her uni schedule, and is sick now (great). hm, there's a problem, I haven't met huige nicky and all for too long, we kind of need to celebrate benny's birthday. and taufiq's a jerk who's preoccupied with his girlfriend :P
x food.
1x mega mcspicy meal
1x turkish kebab
1x takopachi
1x honey chicken chop
2x pints haegen-dazs
2x pints andersen's of denmark
1x starbucks dark mocha venti frappucino
2x packets pepperidge farm soft baked dark chocolate brownie cookies
in one weekend. legen- wait for it... DARY.
x entertainment
I saved nicole for this segment, because firstly nicole the retard alone is great entertainment, secondly I koped her hard drive with 4 seasons of how i met your mother, 5 seasons of house, gossip girl, 20 seasons of the simpsons, about 30 movies including all the harry potter movies, star wars movies, LOTR movies, omg I have going to have an AWESOME block leave.
Also, having spent at least 500 bucks on all my warcraft novels, comics, and the entire fables comics series, I am eagerly anticipating the next volume of each. I love comics. Sue me.
I am not going to continue, if not I am going to get stoned by people jealous of how great my life is. At times. X)
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