Merry Post-Christmas! (:

Despite missing Avatar on Christmas Eve, (because of the limited cinemas with good seats which forced jev to book a 210 show, and thanks to the last minute Leadership Development lesson with Major Psalm (what an interesting name, seriously) resulting in a 3pm bookout) it still turned out to be an awesome day because of the angel@theairport (: (: (: despite meeting for only about 45 minutes! After which a traditional church service at ken's church (which proved to be reaaallllyyy similar to a christmas at city harvest) whetted our appetites for supper at Bedok 85. 2nd time eating the best bachormee in the world, woot. At kennedy's, we waited for elton to turn up and he did, wearing a Silver Surfer tee to match my Iron Man one. Both happened to be his favourite childhood comicbook heroes, and he was very interested in doing chest bumps with me so that both characters could bump each other. We valiantly tried to stay awake when elton brought the animated Iron Man movie for us to watch, but even the chocolates that he brought could not save the Z Monster from overpowering me. My genius idea to turn on the aircon upon entering the house turned around and bit me in the ass at night, 'cos I nearly froze, and ended up squeezing into ken's sofa covers to use them as a blankie.

And seeing (most) of the same faces this blessed Christmas day when ken actually wanted to buy Christmas gifts but I ended up being the one buying gifts, and then winding up all the way at a pasar malam at Yishun and Starbucks Northpoint talking the time away, makes me feel that a friendship like the one you see in HIMYM can just be that real. It's the magic of Christmas to make one draw comparisons like that, and also perhaps a Peppermint Mocha Frappe in one's tummy as well (:

A problem I've found with us human beings, (maybe it's just me) is how we tend to overthink things, or misinterpret certain 'signs' that are actually not signs at all. I think my life would be much better if sometimes I just was not so god damned sensitive. Perhaps then I would not feel that prone to being thrown into the gutter despite what I think I share with you. And you and you and you and you and you. But despite all this, I still think nothing but the world of you; there's something wrong with my thought-processing organ and the muscle that runs my cardiovascular activities.

Sometimes perfection, can be perfect hell.

I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised, bruised

YESTERDAY was THE DAY! That my bunch of other brothers, from the Jan batch, finally commissioned after their 9 months of hard training to turn from dogs to gods and being maggots no longer. It was worth going the through the mind-numbing, leg-numbing rehearsals as an usher on Thursday and Friday and then one more time during the actual parade, just to be there to share that moment with them as they flung their peak caps into the air in unison with joy. Although it was not my day (3 months more to go!!!), I felt just as happy as them when I heard the roar and watched as the caps flew into the air all at one go.

And what could be more fitting as icing on the cake than Kennedy getting the sword of honour? Despite being so proud of him since two weeks ago when I heard the news, it was a different feeling altogether to hear his name being read out by the emcee and to watch him thrusting the sword to his chest after receiving it from DPM Teo. Awesome stuff for real, and also to be standing at the back watching our friends, his supporters, scream his name when he was marching past, during the presentation of swords, and during the slow march up - it was worth crossing over purely for this.

But like I was telling Ngiam, it's really funny to look at one of their ranks, the black bar, and then look up and see their familiar face smiling at you. And you know you're required to call them 'Sir' but they won't really accept that from a friend, and all the saluting and everything is just for fun. It's just different from being introduced to another 2LT as your PC or your instructor because you've known these guys for so many years. Just like how when Chinks, Ian and Joseph were in our bunk today, Ngiam and I kept asking them to punish our platoon randomly and Ngiam asked one of our platoon mates who didn't salute them to do so, and Chinks was so embarrassed he tried to close and lock our door. Hilarious.

Feels really great to end (sort of) the year on this high note, and especially since it helps to keep us in contact with each other; also not forgetting that those guys who've always been busy over the weekends can have more time for gatherings now. I smell a 4A reunion in the works. But that will have to wait till I get back from Taiwan, and I think Yelin gets back from wherever he went to after Myanmar.

I think after all this time, and everything that has happened, I've learnt the absolute importance of letting go. Sometimes you just hurt yourself even worse when you clutch onto a moment that's fleeting; sometimes you just need to amputate and then cauterize the wound rather than continue letting that torn limb hang limply by your side.

That still does not mean that it's any easier, though.

I don't even need words.

It's certainly been a most interesting weekend! I think one of the more interesting things that happened to me was when I just happened to think to myself, "Man, it's been really long since I last saw Fiona Xie on a magazine cover. I wonder if she's really gone for good from local showbiz." Not more than half an hour later, I went to the nearest newsstand and whom should I see on the cover of both I-Weekly and 8 Days? Yeah you guessed right. Obviously I started reading 8 days straightaway to find out more about what's happening to her. Yes I am unashamedly a fan of hers. I am a guy. Sue me, bitches. (:

Weekends are a precious commodity when you're in the army. Even when you pass out as a commander, or so I've heard from some of my friends, even those posted to BMTC where they're supposed kings, but not any longer because of the changes in the structure of how things are run. Doesn't sound very good, but probably still better than being elsewhere though. Therefore, true to my rules of engagement for the weekends, I spent valuable family time watching The Storm Warriors (i.e. Feng1 Yun2 Er4!!!) with my parents. I still remember how 11 (ELEVEN!!11!11one11!!!1) years ago I, as an 8 year old boy, watched with wide-eyed wonder as Aaron Kwok as Yun2's blood trickled down his arm into the ground which caused his ebon blade to fly out from the Grave of Swords into his grasp, and together, the combined might of Wind and Cloud left no chance for the Lord Conqueror to counterattack. And hence it was with great enthusiasm that I stepped into the cinema - but it was with a heavy heart that I stepped out. Yeah I loved the swordplay and the familiar characters and all but ARGH no closure. That's all I shall say to avoid spoilers.

Talking about rules of engagement, I caught Zombieland this weekend as well. It was a real good time as there was much humour in the show despite it being a zombie gore flick. Having the words Rule No. 1 - Cardio flash in large bold white letters going ding ding ding in the middle of a carpark as the protagonist led two rabid zombies round and round in circles was priceless. Looks like all my running could be put to good use someday, touch wood =D The day was zombiefied as I proceeded to try out L4D2 (Left4Dead2 for the uninitiated) for the first time, and I've come to the conclusion that melee weapons are the sex for taking out the common Horde zombies, whereas you really do still need the good ol' lead pumpin' to take out the special Infected. The whole zombie thing made me wonder if we're not too much desensitized to this whole gore thing, and also made me wonder about the whole fascination with zombies thing. 28 Days Later, Shaun Of The Dead, I Am Legend, Quarantine, Zombieland, these are just like a small drop in the huge pool of zombie flicks that are currently out there. And it's not like each film shares a small piece of the pie - they're all HUGELY successful! Watching a zombie rip out a hapless human victim's throat still disgusts me, but I no longer cringe in utter trepidation when I watch it - I really think I've become numbed because of the sheer amount of zombie themed media we have today. I think when I've got free time I'll see whether anyone's written any article or done any research into why we like this genre so much haha.

Alright it's time to SUIT UP! (penguin suit ]=) once again and take a friendly cab down to Jurong. Dammit looking at hiok's fb status 'penguin one last time' makes me feel so super jealous but YES, my friends have earned their status as officers. It'll be my turn soon in a few months, God willing. And yes Kennedy is THAT good to be the holder of the Sword of Honour from the Singapore Combat Engineers. Haha sounds like he found some epic weapon from WoW.

I remember myself saying, "Even if I don't pass the course, this Brunei trip would have been a real eye-opener and a valuable experience for me." I still stand by this statement. Although army sucks and all, and I am ravaged by mosquito bites/sandfly bites and the subsequent scars from my sensitive-skin-scratching, I walked away from the trip a different person, and it really did effect some change in me.

Like my dad said before I went off to do the 9-day jungle course, "Time to grow up and be a man eh son?" Though he was joking of course, the experience really did make me mature more personally. One such experience was killing the quail. Though I'm not the sappy kind to really think much about it, I was inevitably struck with some hesitation before killing it, but I thought to myself hey, I've got no problem eating those countless chicken wings, KFC, burgers, etc. Why should I have double standards and be appalled at personally killing an animal when throughout my life, I've already indirectly killed so many? So without further any ado I twisted its neck and pulled its head off. Was really quite an intense brush with reality. Especially since I killed two throughout the entire trip, lol.

I still remember during my innocent brownnosed days in BMT, I was talking to hiok about him being in OCS and him perhaps needing to go for JCC. I'd heard about the 9 days with only 2 days of rations. I'd heard about the being alone in the jungle. And I'd been extremely skeptical that it could be done. Hiok was like yeah man but its okay, they give you some signal flares so if you're gonna die you just shoot it in the air. And it's ironic that I eventually ended up doing exactly what I thought others were in for. It was also really about breaking past your own physical and mental boundaries. Like elt told me before the trip when I asked him, 'What about those with smaller builds and unable to carry heavy loads? How do they pull through it?' Vicepres-boy then tapped his head and said "That's why it's all about what's in here."

It's really true, because when you've been climbing slopes and hills and two mountains and walking kilometer after kilometer for 8 days, and the synapses in your legs tell you that your legs are useless and cannot be pulled up to negotiate a slope any longer, it is your mind that cancels these transmissions and forces yourself to move. Mental resolve is definitely not something to be trivialised. It really does count for a hell of a lot.

And so does motivation, as usual. It helps alot when you've got mental images of a Carl's Jr. Portobello Mushroom Double Thickburger in your mind. But sometimes the same image can make you damn hungry and demoralized hahahahaha. Also just thinking about your family, your lovely friends and what kind of inane things you're going to do when it's all over, just keeps pushing you on to complete it well and complete it good.

But at the end of the day, you don't fight for your country: you fight for your buddy next to you, you fight for your loved ones whereever they are, you fight for your friends poring over their books in hostels over the country and across the oceans, and you fight for yourself to make a point that you are more than what you think you are. And in the process of self-discovery, you hope that you split open to reveal a beacon of light that displays the intensity of your metamorphosis to others, so that even they think twice about what you are and what you could be.